Tuesday, August 31, 2004

The X List 2004

View it in full here

The X List is voted for each year by Xfm listeners and website visitors. And, when you view the list, you'll see why I am SO pleased with the results.

Radiohead are Number 1, with Paranoid Android!!!
For those not in the know...it's like their Bohemian Rhapsody. It's AMAZING.

Songs also in the chart that I LOVE include:
Motorcycle Emptiness (2), Song 2 (4), Street Spirit (8), A Design For Life (15), Fake Plastic Trees (17), Hysteria (18), Creep (21), Run (29), Just (32), IYTTTYCWBN (34), Just The Way I'm Feeling (41), Golden Touch (49), Yellow (53), Seven Nation Army (57), Are You Gonna Be My Girl (60), Bittersweet Symphony (63), Good Riddance (64), Losing My Religion (85), Whatever (90), Dreaming of You (94), Reptilia (100)

So, are there ANY that you like, Leo?

Most Cringeworthy Video Award

Most Cringeworthy Video Nominees:

V - Can You Feel It
As nominated by Hannah, this video features V, a street and a lot of dancers. The boys are dressed as a milkman, a paperboy, an ice-cream man amongst other things. It's incredibly cheesy and full of stupid outfits and even stupider grins. Oh, and cliched concepts.
'I couldn't possibly comment as this video is genius and V are lovely and did I mention CUTE?' - Leo

O-Zone - Dragostei Din Tei
This awkward mix of animation, illustration, subtitled lyrics and dancing on the wings of a plane is nothing short of unbearable. It looks cheap. And the fact that you can understand what they're singing makes it a whole lot worse...
'Agreed, it's pretty terrible, but then again it IS europop...' - Hannah

Girls Aloud - The Show
It's a pantomime full of cheap gimmicks, really. Wax, childish tanning pranks, hair, dancing on chairs (!), that sort of thing. I'm going to try not to badmouth it too much...but only because their next video is slightly worse...
'Do you really WANT to upset Leo, Richard Parker? He likes this one too...' - Hannah

Phixx - Wild Boys
Having not seen this video, I'm going to have to ask Leo:
'Erm. Rubbish-looking fake backgrounds. Jumping about and fighting their way past fake plant-type things. The gay one pretending to be straight. Again. '
It's so cringeworthy I change the channel when it's on. OK, that's a lie, I sit and stare at the pretty boys.'
- Leo

3 of a Kind - Babycakes
Using cakes as sexual metaphors and heavily made-up women pretending to be robots...squirting chocolate sauce over each other... it isn't the way to make a video. It also doesn't help that the song is about the worst thing to get to number one this year.

And the winner is...

3 of a Kind - Babycakes
Most Cringeworthy Video

Monday, August 30, 2004

Hannah's Single of The Week

It's a HUGE week for quality new music, which makes my job exceedingly hard. So, here are a LOT of honourable mentions, along with my usual single and non-single of the week. Bear in mind I've ignored some of this week's releases and that they can be found here.

Honourable Mentions:
It's a Chris Martin-penned piano ballad. Enough said. It's simply gorgeous and well worth a look into, even if it does seem that Chris Martin is writing for everyone these days. 3.9/5

I thought she was 17 or something like that, and she's 13. Thirteen? And it seems she has more talent than all of S Club 8 put together. The song is almost impressive, with wide appeal, and she deserves a point just for being able to sing and perform, and look, like she does, but you can't help thinking that something that is lyrically about a more serious relationship is a little beyond her years. 3.2/5

Single of the Week:

So who was Corey Haim? Well, after research and recognising the name to some extent I discovered he was one of the 80s brat pack along with fellow Corey, Corey Feldman, who I know only too well from excessive studying of 'Stand By Me' which my English teacher has rendered pointless, but anyway. I liked The Thrills before, but this is something new. There is a development on their previous sound, which is always a smart move in the world of pop-rock and the chorus is a true hook, in all its simplicity. Just one piece of advice - don't expect eye-candy. The lead singer now has the most atrocious beard. 4.2/5

Non Single of the Week:
A crash course in how not to use the piano...unbelieveable? I think not. 1/5

UK Top 75 (29/08/04)

It's been an odd week in the top 75 this week, with lots of big releases and many new entries in the top 10...so who's been a hit, and who's missed out? We investigate...

Trailing in the bottom part of the top 75 are new entries from International Airport/Teenage (75), Deep Sensation (74) and Bonnie Prince Billy (69) along with a double a-side from Amy Winehouse (65) following on from her performances at the V festival. Brainbug (63) and Kings of Convenience (60) are also new in the chart this week.

Deepest Blue are new at (57) with their disappointing single, Shooting Star, not to be confused with Blue Nile who enter the chart at (52). Har Mar Superstar is at (46) while Gretchen Wilson and Elephant Man just miss out on the top 40 with entries at (42) and (41) respectively.

Scraping a top 40 spot are Dutch rockers Kane, sneaking in at (38) while the evil name thief Jamie Scott makes the top 30 at (29). Faithless narrowly miss out on a top 20 placing and enter at (22) with their latest effort 'I Want More'. Raghav has a new entry at (15) with 'Let's Work it Out'

Leo's Single of the Week by LostProphets narrowly misses out on a top 10 placing at (13). Award winning artist, Dizzee Rascal has another hit on his hands at (10) with single 'Stand Up Tall' while my favourite release this week, Mousse T, makes (9). Sugababes round off this spell of consecutive new entries with 'Caught in a Moment' at (8).

This week's Top 5:
5) GLC - Gun's Don't Kill People Rappers Do
4) Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
3) The 411 - Dumb *Highest New Entry*
2) 3 of a Kind - Babycakes
1) Natasha Bedingfield - These Words

For a full top 75 and more information on these artists, please click here.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

The Alternative Video Music Awards Nominees

Most Cringeworthy Video:
V - Can You Feel It
O-Zone - Dragostei Din Tei
Girls Aloud - The Show
Phixx - Wild Boys
3 of a Kind - Babycakes

Most Cheap-Looking Video:
Pop - Heaven and Earth
Shapeshifters - Lola's Theme
Jen Ellison - Bye Bye Boy
3 of a Kind - Babycakes
Maroon 5 - This Love

Most Over-Use of the Airbrush Technique:
Sugababes - Hole in The Head
Britney Spears - Everytime
Blu Cantrell - Breathe (yes, it's old, but it was terrible!)

Most Confusing Video:
Scissor Sisters - Laura
Robbie Williams - Sexed Up
Kylie - Chocolate

Most Unoriginal Concept:
Anything with Sean Paul
Snow Patrol - Spitting Games
Frankie - F.U.R.B.
Pop - Can't Say Goodbye

Worst Animated Video:
Lou Reed - Satellite
O-Zone - Dragostea Din Tei

Worst Dressed Star in a Video:
The Streets - Dry Your Eyes
The Darkness - Growing on Me
The 411 - Dumb
The Rasmus - In The Shadows (for that hair)
Frankee - F.U.R.B.

Most Unnecessary Censorship:
Maroon 5 - This Love
Evanescence - Everybody's Fool

Worst Video:
Will be taken from the winners of any of the above awards.

Expect a short analysis of each category by Richard Parker and award presentations over the coming week. If you have any ideas for nominees, don't hesitate to comment. Actually, if you don't comment, Richard Parker might eat you. How does that sound?

For Radiohead lovers and haters alike

I've known of this for ages. I've been listening to it for ages. It gets better and better. It's a parody of all the best Radiohead songs, jammed into 5 minutes, with excessive amounts of fiddle and banjo, sung in American accents. If you hate Radiohead, it's probably a fun way to get you inspired into actually having better taste (*pokes Leo*) and if you love Radiohead it's the funniest, most brilliant creation in history, aside from Blackadder. Anyway, please download. It's free from the official site for comedy duo Hard 'n Phirm, who perform the parody. And that's right here:


Friday, August 27, 2004

Single of the Week According to Leo

?!"£%@$£%!!! I typed this (or rather a much better version of it - honest) out, then Blogger messed up and I lost it. Grrr.

Nothing stands out in this week's New Releases. All the singles are pretty ordinary, so I'm going to have to think carefully about this one...

Sugababes - Caught in a Moment
This is an excellent song. But I hate the Sugababes. So this doesn't get Single of the Week.

Maroon 5 - She Will Be Loved
This is a good song. But I don't like the singer's voice in it. So this doesn't get Single of the Week.
Where did Maroon 5 get their credibility from anyway? For some reason, it's OK to admit you like Maroon 5, even though they're pure pop. Alright, so there are guitars but Busted have guitars and nobody's fooled by them...

The 411 - Dumb
Despite the heartfelt and deeply meaningful lyrics (Dumb diggi-diggi-di dumb di-dumb...), yes, ladies and gentlemen, you guessed it: this doesn't get Single of the Week.
Furthermore, the 411 are rubbish and should give up.

Deepest Blue - Shooting Star
Deepest Blue should stick to what they're good at - overrated dance tracks. They don't deserve an easy hit with this comparatively weak follow-up to earlier successes, so this doesn't get Single of the Week.

Lostprophets - Last Summer
I'm getting bored now so I'm just going to give Single of the Week to the Lostprophets. I quite enjoyed the 34 seconds of it I heard on the Radio One website anyway. Go and buy the full 4 minutes 7 seconds.
Yeah, I'm just doing this to spite the Sugababes who are, I suppose, if I'm honest, possibly, probably, maybe, the real rightful Single of the Week According to Leo award holders.

That's all folks. Next week's 'Single of the Week According to Leo' should be a bit better-written, providing I'm feeling a bit more decisive...

On the subject of nominees...

Here are a few hints as to what we might have so far...

The Show? Cringeworthy? You mean BRILLIANT/Best Video nominee.
Mmm and V are very lovely. It's not cringeworthy, it's CUTE.
Jen Ellison crapness = correct though. All your noms for that award, actually.
By the way, all animated videos are rubbish.
L x

Those two latest Girls Aloud videos look like it's one huge pantomime or something. It's awful. And the one with the unnaturally skinny legs scares me. And V ARE cringeworthy! It's all SO overacted and I can't even spot the cute one. And one's a milkman, for god's sake.

By the way, the video for Let Love Be Your Energy was not rubbish and THAT was animated. I also once got my hands on the rather explicit 'bloopers' - they were very funny. But most other animated music vids don't deserve to exist.
H x

The Alternative Video Music Awards

It's amazing how much hype MTV manages to create for each one of their awards ceremonies, while I still don't see the point. I never ever understand why so-and-so gets an award for something when it's blatently obvious that somebody else deserves it. It seems like it's just yet another excuse for the 'stars' to show off, even the ones who have no real talent. Therefore, we've decided we're going to do our OWN video music awards, disregarding the nominations provided by MTV. And, actually, disregarding those awards that nobody really cares about anyway. And instead doing a few of our own. How bonza!

Thursday, August 26, 2004

10 Reasons Why We Loved...

The Rock Profile Night on VH1

1) It's Matt Lucas and David Walliams!
2) The oppurtunity to see Jamie Theakston make a complete and utter prat out of himself, every show.
3) The 'rock stars' aka Matt and David in copious amounts of wigs, fake facial hair and dresses. And prosthetic noses, if you're being Michael Jackson.

Above: Elizabeth Taylor and Michael Jackson, Howard Donald (of Take That)

4) The Rock 'facts' - including (but not limited to):
Mark Owen was 7 years old in the Could It Be Magic video
Kylie is so small that she is, in fact, invisible to the naked eye.
On the tour bus, blur work on the assumption that "he who smelt it, dealt it" and also "the one that said the rhyme committed the crime".

5) Matt Lucas apparently appeared in the video for Country House. And we love Blur. Crystal, knower of all things Blur, can you enlighten us where he exactly appeared?

6) Rock Profile keeps my 'Little Britain' addiction at bay until the next series. Hurry up you two!

Above: Liam Gallagher, H and Lee from Steps

7) Neither of the boys played Robbie Williams for the 'Take That Reunion' episode. Instead, they roped in Paul Putner who was also in Little Britain and has appeared in Black Books, Shaun of The Dead and more...

8) They pick out the best music videos to show in between the sketches.

9) I have now been reminded that Heartbeat by Steps is possibly the most tacky video of all time. It has little people, fake snow and the worst stuck on skiing ever seen. Yes, it's worse than James Bond.

10) It's obviously good enough to have its own night on VH1. Then again, they'll probably have 'Busted Night' on VH1 sometime soon...

Above: The lovely Minogue sisters, Elton John...and his present

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Who the hell is Leo? Part 2

Mystery solved! For I am he. Silly Blogger finally let me in.

I have received my Job Description from Fly Girl H. My purpose is to create conflict. I will do my very best.

And I'd just like to clear something up: I didn't say we would be the new 'Michael and Crystal'. That would be like comparing us to... Jesus... or something. Sort of. I may have said we would argue even more than Michael and Crystal. And I stand by that.

Anyway, I will write something when I have something to write. Hannah will live to regret inviting me...

Who the hell is Leo?

I've just realised the sheer stupidity of that title. If you read this, you are probably going to be Michael, Emma, Callum, Jamie or Crystal and you all have a vague (if not, rather accurate) idea of who Leo is.

I've also realised that I can't actually explain who Leo is, except for the fact that he is lovely, has a tiger called Richard Parker and is going to be wrecking up contributing to my blog.

He reckons we're going to be like the new 'Michael and Crystal'. Hmm. To some degree, we might just be, however much I don't want to look as if I'm trying to carry on the legacy of the 'Love Pavilion' (RIP). I've let him join on a condition that Britney Spears mentions are kept to an absolute minimum and he provides some sort of debate...and Richard Parker.

But anyway, welcome to the blog, Leo...if this invitation works. :)

'I appear to have joined Hannah the team over at Whatever's Left. It really is very good - you should check it out. Well, obviously it's not that good yet because my invitation hasn't arrived from Blogger and I haven't posted anything.* But I see potential.

*Note to Hannah, because she sometimes takes me seriously, which you should never do: I am joking. It is wonderful already and no doubt it will go rapidly downhill the moment I post anything. But I'll do my best.'

You just have to love him, don't you? :P

Blast From The Past

Does anybody remember...?

Robbie Williams - It's Only Us

Nope. Didn't think so. I loved this track so much, and it faded into oblivion. Why? It was like Eternity, part of a double a-side without being featured on the album. It had it's own video. Unfortunately, it wasn't the belter of a ballad that was 'She's The One' and, despite the fact it reached number one, you hardly EVER hear it on the radio anymore. Nor on the million video channels we have at chez Hannah. It's sad, and it's true. Like the fact that I own the single. Wait, that's not sad! It's the only way I can legally obtain the music in question without i-tunes or the like, which I am forbidden to use. Now just watch that halo appear above my head...

The fact remains - it is an awesome song, with an awesome video. And that's not because it begins with a naked Robbie, I assure you. It's the electricity eating and millions of Robbie clones. Really! The music's quick, fast and rocky and because it's so sacred and underplayed, this makes it even better. It has the cry of 'Rock me Amadeus!' and an organ solo. It has mention of 'Stoke on Trent'. It, to round off my rambling, is genius.

Well it's all kicking off...Baby it's alright...Baby it's alright...You don't need to cause a fuss...Baby it's alright...Baby it's alright....It's only us...

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Hannah's Single of the Week

Well, we WANTED to have a single of the week, oh yes. Is there anything this week, however, that I'd actually bother to buy? No chance. But when did that ever stop me?

Mousse T ft. Emma Lanford
Is It Cos I'm Cool?

Wow? Is this the same Mousse T, the producer who did 'Horny' back in the day? What eurotrash that was! This, on the other hand, is different. Incredibly different and incredibly...to excuse the overuse of the track title...cool. It's bouncy summery pop, it's happy, and it's not about sex either. It has a real bass, vocal harmonies, synthy bits, strings, and a drum beat that makes it seem more indie-pop than something from a German producer. It also has...a guitar solo! And don't forget, the video has a James Bond-esque influence, as if it couldn't get ANY better. In truth, it's probably not cool for me to like this song, but I do. It's better than most of the stuff out there anyway.


Non-Record of The Week:

Jamie Scott - Just
He may have the name of one of my best friends, and the title of probably THE most bonza Radiohead song, but it's rubbish, and HE's rubbish. Avoid. 1/5

10 Reasons Why We Love...

Alex Parks

1) She has bonza hair. You can't knock the hair.
2) She covered 'Yellow' - the girl has good taste. She actually did it fairly well.
3) She won a reality TV show and deserved it, like Will Young and Girls Aloud, but unlike...
4) Snedders. She is 20 times better than Snedders. He quit, anyway.
5) I have the same bracelet as Alex. She wears it in the 'Maybe That's What It Takes' video.
6) She is an ambassador for 'petite' people everywhere, and is much better than Jamie Cunt Cullum.
7) Her voice is unique. Some people love it, some people hate it. We think it rocks.
8) She isn't a clown anymore.
9) She writes great original songs.
10) Her album is beautiful. And platinum. And full of amazing covers and originals. With piano backing. Truly bonza. Buy now!

< / plug >

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Please explain this to me...

Top 40 Rock Singles (22/8/2004)


It is the end of August. Considering this rock chart is based on a mixture of airplay and singles bought, it's slightly worrying. 'Fess up - who's been playing Christmas songs?