Friday, December 10, 2004

In the name of Love?

So Jamie begged, pleaded and bribed to within an inch of his life for me to bring my writing talents to WL. (Well, that's a lie, he offered me 20p and a Freddo.)

So Damen und Herren, I give you Band Aid 20: An Analysis.

"At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade"

Tesco support this by selling their Value Fairy lights for £2.49 per box. Come in a variety of colours.

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you

Because, dear Mr. Bono, you can empathise with the pain and suffering of those poor African children from your time spent in Ghana.

Flight to Ghana (business class) £1400 (one way)
Nights in Golden Tulip Hotel, Accra (x 4 nights) = 409,62 EUR.
Don't forget though, his cronies who followed him round, also had to have a room there/flight out.

Average daily wage of a Ghanaian 1,40€.

Now Bono, doesn't pay tax to either the English or Irish government. He has a condo somewhere in America, probably quite a few houses. Granted U2 donate money to charity and stuff, but when you're earning as much as he does, would it hurt to buy the Africans some cows/build several water pumps/provide supplies for hospitals etc.

Working for Oxfam, I know that not all money raised goes to the charity. 20% goes on overheads. Which is an awful lot.

"And there won't be snow in Africa this Christmas"
Of course there won't be. Just in case you're a bit thick you'll all know that the equator runs right through Africa, making snow pretty much impossible (save for the tops of mountains usw.)

"Where nothing ever grows
No rain nor rivers flow "

Ghana is home to one of the largest lakes in Africa. How about the River Nile? In terms of natural resources Africa pretty much has it all. Cocoa, Diamonds, Gold, Coffee etc. It's the companies here which exploit them and the corruption of local Governments/ the massive debt which prevent them being used to their full potential and hence, Africa remains poor.

I bet Bono enjoys a nice cup of Nescafé with his breakfast, while his kids all open their advent calendars and eat Nestlé chocolates.

"Do they know it's Christmas time at all?"
Surprisingly, most of them do. Africa was colonised when Christianity was the religion to have. It's just that in Africa, it's held as the religious festival it should be. Not the money grabbing present rally that Toys R Us make it. Those who don't know it's Christmas, are no doubt Muslims.

"If the table was turned would you survive"
No doubt if the table was turned Mr. Rascal, you'd be on the phone to your lawyer suing the arse of the person who's taken your bling away from you/go on 'I'm a Celebrity' to boost your career.

Well, people of Band Aid, enjoy your career boosts from this. I look forward to buying your new albums in the new year.

The only respect I have is for Chris Martin (pretentious twat as he is), the bloke from Travis, the members of Radiohead and of course Sir Bob Gandalf. They've actually stepped out of their Porsches and physically done something about it. Not just jumped on the bandwagon, knowing nothing about stuff à la Joss "40-an-hour" Stone. (anyone who saw the documentary that Auntie had on Monday will know what I mean.)